Although the names are similar, it is important for families to understand that the funeral homes and the cemeteries are separate and distinct businesses.  Families may select the affiliated funeral home located adjacent to either of Hillcrest Memorial Park or Restland Memorial Park, or they are free to select a funeral home that is not located on the grounds of the cemetery in which a particular UJC garden is situated.

In the broadest sense, the role of the funeral home/funeral director is to insure the deceased is cared for through the time of burial and to arrange all aspects of the funeral and burial according to the wishes of the family.

The funeral director’s duties begin when the funeral home transports the deceased from the hospital, home or other place of death to the funeral home.  The family then meets with the funeral home staff to determine the date and location for the funeral (e.g., funeral chapel, graveside or synagogue); plans the details of the funeral; arranges for the burial society (Chevra Kadisha) to come to the funeral home to perform the taharah and dress the deceased; retains a shomer if requested by the family; assists the family in publishing an obituary and obtaining certificates of death (needed for probate, insurance, etc.); provides the funeral coach and family cars for the funeral and burial; coordinates with the cemetery (Restland Memorial Park or Hillcrest Memorial Park) to arrange for the grave to be prepared; and generally coordinates and oversees the entire funeral process.  Families are directly responsible to the funeral home for its charges.  Funeral homes/funeral directors are licensed and regulated by the state; and the funeral homes approved by UJC (Sparkman Hillcrest, Restland and Dallas Jewish Funerals) are familiar with Jewish burial customs and the UJC rules.

The cemetery (Hillcrest Memorial Park or Restland Memorial Park) owns, operates and maintains its cemetery property and arranges for the burial.  In addition to fees paid to the funeral home for the funeral services, the cemetery imposes separate charges for “opening and closings” (e.g., excavating the grave, setting up the tent and chairs, etc.).   Families are directly responsible to the cemetery for its charges.  The cemetery is licensed and regulated by the state and is responsible for ongoing maintenance, upkeep and security at the cemetery.

The UJC owns the burial rights to the spaces in its gardens and administers the Jewish gardens according to its rules.  Families do not purchase grave spaces; UJC acquired the perpetual burial rights in the spaces within the UJC and designates the individuals who are to be buried in assigned spaces.  The UJC does not provide services or merchandise.  All services and merchandise are provided either by the funeral home or the cemetery.

“The cumulative wisdom of the Jewish people’s experience with grief for over three thousand years is distilled in the laws and customs pertaining to [the Jewish funeral]. *** The funeral service is a brief and simple service designed primarily for the honor and dignity of the deceased.  The worthy values by which he lived, the good deeds he performed, and the noble aspects of his character are eulogized.”  Rabbi Maurice Lamm, The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning (1969).

The Jewish funeral service held at the funeral chapel typically includes the following:

Keri’ah: Rending of Garments.  The tearing of a garment as a sign of grief by sons, daughters, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters and spouses (see FAQ for more info).

Recitation of Psalms.  Psalms appropriate to the life of the deceased are commonly recited. Psalm 23, Eshet Chayil: Woman of Valor (for a woman) or Mah Adam: What is Man (for a man) are most frequently recited.

Eulogy.  The eulogy is a significant part of the funeral.  The purpose is twofold: First, Hesped: praising the deceased for his worthy qualities and deeds.  Second is Bekhi: expressing grief and sense of loss by the mourners and the community.  Eulogies may be delivered by rabbis, friends and community dignitaries; however, offering a eulogy by family members is particularly praiseworthy.  Abraham delivered a eulogy for Sarah and this has been our custom to this day.  (If the burial takes place on Erev Shabbat,  Erev Yom Tov or Rosh Chodesh, there is no eulogy or a shortened version praising the deceased’s good deeds is offered).

Kayl Malei Rachamin.  The memorial prayer is recited in a soulful voice on behalf of the deceased.  In this prayer we ask G-d to grant perfect rest “…beneath the sheltering wings of [His] presence to the deceased (whose Hebrew name is included) and that the deceased be “…bound up in the bond of eternal life.”

Levaya: Escorting the Deceased.  This Mitzvah is so important that the entire funeral is referred to as a “Levaya” (accompaniment in Hebrew).  Our Sages referred to this mitzvah as Chesed Shel Emes (Act of “True” or Selfless Kindness) and decreed that even the study of Torah is to be interrupted for its performance.  The mourners and those attending the funeral follow (escort) the deceased to the burial site.  The procession pauses briefly seven times while the rabbi and others recite Psalm 91.  Typically, the procession is from the hearse to the burial space.

 Kayl Malei Rachamin is again recited at the graveside.

K’vurah: Burial in the Earth.  The casket is lowered into the grave, Tzidduk Ha-Din is recited by the rabbi or cantor, and family then friends cover the casket with earth (see FAQ for more info).

Kaddish.  Kaddish is recited by sons, daughters, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, and spouses (see FAQ for more info). The Burial Kaddish, somewhat longer than the Mourner’s Kaddish recited in synagogue, is said at graveside by mourners (If the burial takes place Erev Shabbat,  Erev Yom Tov or Rosh Chodesh, the traditional Mourners Kaddish is recited).  Kaddish is not recited if there is no minyan present.

Recessional from the Graveside.  Those present form two lines facing each other (see FAQ for more info).  As the mourners pass between them, those present recite, HaMakom yenachem etchem betokh she’ar avelei Tzion v’Yerushalim, “May the Lord comfort you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.”  Many also offer words such as Ouf simchas, that we meet again at simchas.

If the funeral service is held at the graveside, the order is the same except that the Levaya follows Keri’ah and only one Kayl Malei Rachamin is recited.

The recitation of the Mourner’s Kaddish is the most widely recognized ritual for Jewish mourners. It is an ancient Aramaic prayer that is recited only by mourners (sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, siblings and spouses), while standing and only in the presence of a minyan who are called upon to respond to its sacred words.  Kaddish echoes the Prophet Job: “Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.” (Job 13:15).

Rabbi Lamm explains, “It is a call to God from the depths of catastrophe, exalting His name and praising Him, despite the realization that He has just wrenched a human being from life.”  Maurice Lamm, The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning (1969).  Remarkably, the Mourner’s Kaddish contains no mention of death or the deceased.  Rather it is an reaffirmation of the justness of God and “… an admission that the world that is known only to God remains mysterious and paradoxical to man.  It ends with an impassioned hope, expressed in the words of the Kaddish, the Oseh shalom bimromav, that He who is sufficiently mighty to make peace among celestial bodies can also bring peace to all mankind.” (Ibid). Additionally, Kaddish contains a prayer for nechemata, the consolation of all of the Jewish people.    Rabbi Benjamin Blech teaches, “By extending the mourner’s preoccupation with his own tragedy to a more universal concern, the Kaddish elevates the mourner to a higher level of consciousness.”  Benjamin Blech, Understanding Judaism (2003).

In our tradition, “…the recitation of Kaddish serves as a source of blessing to the mourner and the soul of the departed.  As the soul is judged after death, the heavenly scales are greatly influenced by the fact that a descendant carries on Jewish tradition.” (Ibid). Mourners who recite Kaddish publicly, give tzedekah, fix times for spiritual growth and Torah study, and live righteous lives bring credit to the memory of the departed and through them, live on.

What to do first depends on the circumstances surrounding the death.  If the deceased was in a hospital or other care facility, the staff should be instructed to contact the attending physician and then the funeral home selected by the family (see list of approved funeral homes in Resources). The family should then contact its rabbi.

If the deceased died at home and was under the care of a physician, the family should contact the attending physician and unless the physician indicates other action is required, then the funeral home selected by the family and its rabbi.

If the deceased died in another location and/or was not under the care of a physician, the local EMS or police (dial 911) must be contacted before other arrangements are made.

Jewish tradition calls for the prompt burial of the deceased.  Some delay to allow family to travel is common today and typically burial takes place a day or two after death.  However, burials do not take place on Shabbat and Yom Tov (Rosh Hashannah, Yom Kippur, Shavuot, and the first two and last two days of Passover and Sukkot).

Rabbis and cantors may officiate.  Family members and friends may, and are often encouraged to, offer eulogies.  Military and fraternal ceremonies are allowable, but should be coordinated with officiating rabbi.  It is inappropriate for clergy of other faiths to officiate.

If neither the deceased nor other family members have a rabbi, or if the rabbi is unavailable, the family may contact Rabbi Howard Wolk, Community Chaplain, Jewish Family Service (469/206-1681).

Jewish law is unequivocal: the dead must be buried in the earth.  The soul returns to God, but the body that clothed the soul, returns to nature.  God’s words to Adam are, “For dust thou art and unto dust shalt thou return.” (Genesis 3:19).  And, we are instructed, ki kavor tikberennu, “Thou shalt surely bury him” (Deuteronomy 21:23).  The Torah insists on the natural decomposition of man’s mortal remains.  Entombment in an above-ground mausoleum, not surrounded by the earth, is not permitted by Jewish law.

Embalming is not permitted.  The Torah insists that a person upon his or her death be laid to rest naturally.  There should be no mutilation of the body, no tampering with his or her remains, and no handling of the body other than for religious purification.  Embalming is an attempt to delay man’s return to the earth and is viewed by our Sages as a desecration of the body that is created in the image of God.

There are exceptions, such as when embalming is required by governmental authority.  Competent rabbinical authorities should be consulted if embalming is requested.

Jewish tradition rejects autopsies or dissections performed for teaching medical students and is viewed as mutilation of the body of the deceased.   Judaism respects the total man and woman, both his or her neshama (soul) and the body that held it; both are sacred.  Autopsies, however, are allowed in certain limited cases.  Generally, the exceptions are matters required by governmental authority (e.g., homicide and death under suspicious circumstances).  Competent rabbinical authorities should be consulted if an autopsy is requested.

The Jewish position on post mortem organ transplant is complex and the family should consult with a rabbi well-versed in Jewish law on this question.  Organ donation after death is generally permitted in the situation where an organ is needed for a specific, immediate need.  However, nothing may be done to hasten death in order to “harvest” organs, and the moment of death in Halachah (Jewish law) is a complex issue requiring the guidance of the family’s rabbi. Organ donation is not permitted to an “organ bank” where there is no specific, immediate need or to a medical school for dissection or research.   See Resources for more information.

Voluntary cremation is not permitted in Jewish law; cremation prohibits man’s natural return to the earth.  Such an act is a desecration of the body and cremated remains are not buried in a traditional Jewish cemetery.  However, those who were murdered and their remains burnt, such as in the Holocaust, or who are burned to death in a fire or accident, or as ordered by governmental authority must receive proper burial, no matter the condition of their remains.

Viewing the remains is prohibited by Jewish law and is entirely alien to our tradition.  Only those who prepare the deceased for burial are permitted to look at their remains.

“As he came, so shall he go.” Ecclesiastes (5:16).  Just as the newborn are washed and enter the world clean and pure, so when one departs this world, one must be cleansed and purified through the religious ritual called taharah (purification).

The taharah is performed by the Chevra Kadisha (Jewish Burial Society).  The rabbi or the funeral home can make the necessary arrangements for the members of this volunteer society to perform these sacred tasks. The Chevra Kadisha (men care for males and women care for females) washes the deceased and dresses the deceased for burial according to our ancient traditions, always displaying the upmost respect and reciting appropriate prayers.

Our tradition recognizes the democracy of death.   Therefore, all Jews are buried in the same type of garment: simple white shrouds without pockets.  Wealthy or poor, all are equal before God.  The clothes to be worn should be appropriate for one who is to stand before God.  They are simple, clean and dignified to symbolize purity, simplicity and dignity.  The Chevra Kadisha can provide shrouds.  Men are also dressed in their tallit (or one provided by the Chevra Kadisha) with one of the fringes cut.

As a sign of respect for the deceased, from the moment of death until burial, the deceased should be not be left alone. Therefore, the family should arrange for a person called a Shomer (watcher or guardian) to be with the deceased.  While laudable for the Shomer to be a relative or friend of the deceased, this is not always possible.  The funeral home may engage a Shomer to accompany the deceased and recite Psalms.  There are no gender restrictions in the choice of a Shomer.

Jewish tradition dictates that the casket be constructed of wood and must be totally free of metal.  No nails, screws or hardware is used in the construction.  A plain pine casket is used by most traditional families although other types of wood are permitted.  The casket may be polished or unpolished.  A black velvet cover is available to be used at the funeral and burial.

Family and friends should be honored to carry the casket to the grave.  Children and siblings of the deceased may be pallbearers unless there is concern that they may be overcome with grief.  Many hold that women and children should not carry the casket.  The clear preference is that those who carry the casket be Jewish.  However, in instances of very close gentile friends, especially when individuals might be offended if not included, everyone may participate.  The family should discuss these issues with their rabbi.

Flowers at a funeral or burial are a non-Jewish custom and should not be encouraged.  Our Sages teach us that it is preferable to honor the deceased by making a donation to a synagogue, school or medical research institution instead.  The act of tzedakah (charity) is a more lasting and meaningful tribute.

Artificial flowers, permanent vases, stuffed animals, figurines, etc. are inappropriate.

K’riah is the act of tearing or “rending” a mourner’s (son, daughter, father, mother, brother, sister and spouse) clothes prior to the funeral service as an expression of grief. The Bible records many instances of this act: when Jacob saw Joseph’s coat soaked in blood that he believed to be his son’s blood, he rent his clothes.  One suffering the loss of a parent “exposes the heart” and tears his or her garment on the left side.  Parents, siblings and spouses tear over their right side.  Our rabbis teach us that k’riah expresses the deepest feelings of sorrow and loss for all to see.

The grave must be filled at the time of burial.  It is an honor and a duty to help in the shoveling the earth to cover the casket. This act may seem heartbreaking, but it is the ultimate act of kindness to the deceased and helps the mourners face and ultimately accept the finality of the death of a loved one.

The custom is that the shovel not be passed from hand to hand, but each person should place the shovel in the earth for the next person to pick up.  Many use the back of the shovel to indicate a difference from its use for other purposes.

Psalms and the Memorial Prayer are recited, as well as a eulogy (if not given at the chapel) and then the mourners recite Kaddish.  Then, those present form two lines facing each other and the mourners pass through.  Those present recite words of comfort: “May the Lord comfort you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.”

This is symbolic of the ancient custom of purification performed after contact with the dead.  This act emphasizes the Jew’s concern with life, its value and dignity, rather than overzealous attention to death.  It is performed with a cup of water poured alternatively on both hands.  The cup is not passed hand to hand.  No blessing is recited.

Cemetery rules require an outer burial container.  A bottomless concrete container is Halachically permissible as its use allows the casket to rest upon and be covered by the earth.

There are many customs.  Some install the monument after shiva or 30 days.  Many wait until the first yahrzeit.

Our custom is to include in Hebrew the letters “pey nun” (here lies) followed by the deceased’s Hebrew name and the deceased’s father’s name and family name, niftar (niftarah for females) and the date of death on the Hebrew calendar, and the letters tav, nun, tzadee, bet, heh (may his/her soul be bound up in the bond of life).  English names, dates, endearments typically follow. Jewish symbols are common. We have an additional custom to inscribe the family name in Hebrew (or a memorial to family lost in the Holocaust) on the back of the monuments.  Only Jewish religious, military and fraternal inscriptions and symbols on monuments are permitted.

Burial in the Mount Zion Gardens is reserved for burial of Jews.  All families including those with non-Jewish members, are welcome in Sinai Gardens.  Only Jewish religious ceremonies and military and fraternal ceremonies are permitted.

The cemetery is sacred ground and our actions within its confines should reflect its holiness.  Frivolity, idle conversation (especially during burial), eating and drinking are inappropriate.  Immodest or frivolous attire are also inappropriate.  One should not sit on or lean against monuments, and unless unavoidable, one should not step on graves.

An ancient custom is to place a pebble on a monument as one leaves the cemetery.  The stone symbolizes the permeance of memory and legacy.  The Hebrew word for pebble is tz’ror which also means a bond.  When we pray at the cemetery, we ask that the deceased be bound up in the bond of life (tz’ror HaHayim).  By placing a stone on the monument, we show others that we have been there and that the individual’s memory lives on in and through us.